Late-night hosts on Ivanka Trump: ‘The White House has lower standards than Nordstrom’

Comics, including Trevor Noah and Stephen Colbert, discussed the presidents daughter and the ban on many electronic items from some flights

Late-night hosts discussed the latest news coming from the White House on Tuesday, including Ivanka Trumps new office and security clearance.

On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah started by condensing the news of the day, given that there were so many points to cover. First, he spoke about the newly announced limitations for many passengers who wont be able to carry some electronic devices in hand luggage.

A laptop ban? he said. Ill tell you right now, I know whos behind this. Its that Gogo in-flight bullshit because they dont want us watching the movies we brought on. They want us to pay $39.99 for two hours of their shit Wi-Fi ... Its a violation of our human rights.

He continued: If you thought you had problems with terrorism before, just wait until you see how parents react when they find out they have to be on a long flight with their kids and cant use an iPad.

Noah then spoke about the two-day confirmation hearing for Trumps supreme court nominee, Neil Gorsuch. He played a collection of clips and commented: Wow, is this dude white?

He added: You have a judge who, on the surface, is more than qualified but because of Trumps taint, the Democrats really want to block him but they also kinda want to make out with him because good Lord, that man is handsome.

Rightwing pundit Tomi Lahren was also suspended from her show for admitting that she supports a womans right to an abortion, which Noah claimed was not cool.

I was so offended by the hypocrisy that I wanted to protest, he said. Unfortunately theres no type of black-people protest that Tomi is comfortable with, so I guess we should just move on.

He then moved on to the news surrounding Ivanka Trumps new role within the White House, which comes with high-level security clearance. Its official, people: the White House has lower standards of who theyll bring in than Nordstrom, he said.

Noah added: Ivanka says shell follow all the ethics rules. I feel like the first rule of ethics club is: dont hire your daughter.

He wanted to go further into it but, as he previously mentioned, the amount of stories meant there wasnt enough time. Noah joked: This is one of those stories that goes so deep: nepotism, possible conflicts of incest, compromise of national security...

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert discussed reports that paranoia has seized the White House. He joked: Im surprised. I thought Russia was going to seize it.

He then brought up fear over the so-called deep state, a secret network of state employees working against the ruling party. I thought a deep state is what you achieved after doing three bong hits and watching Planet Earth, he said.

I think this paranoia is just the frustration every new administration has with Washington DC, he said. It happens every time. You went to Washington, you went to work for Trump because you wanted to tear down the government. Now you have to deal with it, now you are the government. Its like a dog who spent his whole life chasing a car, now he has to drive the car. Were not happy about it either. Remember, were in the backseat of a car being driven by a dog now.

Colbert then moved on to Jeff Sessions, our attorney general and forest gnome whose riddles are kind of racist, who came out to say that the effects of marijuana arent that dissimilar to those achieved with heroin.

Sure, marijuanas only slightly less awful than heroin, he said. Like how burning your tongue on cocoa is only slightly less awful than being set on fire.

He added: Sessions is really uptight. If only there was some way to mellow him out.

On Late Night with Seth Meyers, the host also spoke about the ban on electronic items on flights from certain countries.

It seems extreme, but its worth it if it stops at least one tourist from taking pictures with an iPad, he joked.

He also discussed Ivanka Trumps White House appointment, referencing a claim that she will act as the presidents eyes and ears. Mitch McConnell will continue to be the neck, he said.

Meyers then discussed the confirmation hearings of Neil Gorsuch and his statement that he is prepared to vote against the interests of any party, including the president which is bad news for Trump because he has a pretty big impeachment trial coming up.

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2017/mar/22/late-night-tv-roundup-ivanka-trump-white-house

Jeff Sessions Tackles Weed And The White House's (Unrelated) Paranoia

Attorney General Jeff Sessions has a strong stance on marijuana, while Trump's White House is showing symptoms of having smoked it.

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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.