Look, America, I don't really know the best way to say this ... I have evidence that suggests our president may be an alcoholic. I'm not sure if it's the constant abuse by the media or the stress of the job, but the symptoms are clear. Months of his emails to supporters clearly chronicle the descent of a once-sober man into crippling addiction.
See, I've been on President Trump's mailing list since I attended one of his rallies in Dallas early last year. All of his emails were perfectly normal, containing absolutely no lines that would ever be considered hilarious in hindsight.
Here is the content of one email, emphasis unchanged:
Subject: can't trust her. From Donald J. Trump.
This is it, Friend.
Right now, our campaign is surging because the American people are fed up with DC elites lying about everything, and no single person symbolizes the reckless arrogance of DC better than Crooked Hillary Clinton.
You and I have a chance right now to end Crooked Hillary's career and move America in a better direction, so please make one donation ASAP to fund our final Get-Out-The-Vote surge.
Whether it's exposing classified emails to our enemies and lying about it, or using her family's "charity" as a slush fund for rich donors who want influence over the State Department, Hillary Clinton's record of corruption is almost too much to believe.
That's why she's got the FBI all over her, Friend.
This whole campaign, I have always said the best way for you and I to deal with Crooked Hillary is to beat her in November.
Well, November is here, we've got the chance, but I need your urgent help to make it happen.
Please contribute of [sic] $35, $50, or $100 to fund the final Get-Out-The-Vote blitz to end Hillary Clinton's career.
Donald J. Trump
On Election Night 2016, his victory email was the picture of class and statesmanship. It was exactly what you'd expect from a new president-elect:
Subject: Thank you. From Donald J. Trump.
They said we could never do it.
But last night you showed the world that America will once again be a country of, for, and by the PEOPLE.
You fought like a winner, you defied all odds, and history will forever remember the role you played in taking our country back.
I never could've done it without you, Friend.
But less than two months later, Trump had changed. I first noticed it after weeks of relentless media attacks over his campaign's alleged ties to Russia and whatever else we were angry about then (at this point I can't remember political news from further back than March). On January 3rd, he sent out this email, inviting his friends, including me, to buy special inauguration pint glasses:
With Inauguration Day just weeks away, we're launching an Inaugural Collection of special-edition merchandise to commemorate this historic day in American history.
First among the Inaugural Collection is a set of two Made-in-America 16-ounce pint glasses decorated with a special seal honoring the 45th president.
Get your Official Inauguration Pint Glass Set now to celebrate the swearing in of President-Elect Trump.
This struck me odd, considering how up to this point, Donald Trump claimed to have never had a drink in his life. He has a tragic family history of alcoholism, so selling pint glasses to us (his friends) seemed out of character. Still, I shrugged it off -- ignored the warning sign -- because I didn't want to think something could be wrong with my buddy Donald.
Then February 25th rolled around:
Subject: Real news. From Donald J. Trump
You hear the fake news every single day. It comes from the media, the Left, and out-of-touch Hollywood elites. But here is the real news: they are NEVER going to stop.
Over the next four years, we are going to have to cut through the noise to ensure the REAL NEWS about our great movement gets to the American people.
Friend, I know you're dedicated to getting our positive message about the hatred and nasty attacks spread by the fake news media.
Now with just 3 days left until the RNC's February FEC-mandated deadline, I'm counting on you to help us fight back -- and fight back hard.
This seemed so much more hateful and angry than his other post-election emails, and the plea for money was downright unsettling. As the weeks went on, I started to notice even more sloppy spelling errors crop up in his emails. Like this one from March 8th, in which he clearly typed "O"s instead of zeroes:
16 liberal senators introduced a bill last night seeking to stop President Trump's Executive Order on immigration and make America less safe.
We need 28O,OOO more American citizens to show their support for the President's critical national security measure. And as one of his top supporters, we're turning to you first, Friend.
As the weeks went on, his emails started to show more and more signs of paranoia, as well as suspiciously repetitive pleas for money ...
TONIGHT at 11:59 is our FIRST end-of-quarter deadline. It's your final chance to help us end the first quarter of our presidency as strong as possible.
You know that CNN and MSNBC are dying to say that the Democrats beat us. They will use a bad report as reason to believe that our movement is finished.
We need to set the record straight with an unbelievable first-quarter report that proves our movement is stronger than ever before.
Just imagine when the talking heads over at MSNBC react to our incredible numbers on live TV.
Please make a contribution of $100, $65, $50, $35, $20, or even just $5 to help us post the best first quarter report in presidential history and PROVE THE MEDIA WRONG.
I started to get worried. So I Googled over to the Mayo Clinic's website and looked into what they say are the warning signs of substance addiction. I decided to run what I knew of Donny (I call him Donny sometimes) past their checklist, and found an alarming symptom: "Problems at school or work -- frequently missing school or work, as sudden disinterest in school activities or work, or a drop in grades or work performance."
At first I'd brushed off those articles about how President Trump was missing critical national security meetings. But this March -- right around when his emails took a dark turn -- the president's aides and advisors noted that he seemed disinterested in his new job. And as for his work performance, a Gallup poll shows that Trump has reached majority disapproval faster than any president before him. At least he wins at that.
The next two signs of alcoholism are a little less clear: "Physical health issues -- lack of energy and motivation; Neglected appearance -- lack of interest in clothing, grooming, or looks."
I don't think the president looks much different now than he did on the campaign trail. But there's some evidence for a lack of energy. He recently cancelled a speech at an Israeli historical landmark when told he'd have to take a cable car rather than fly there in his luxurious helicopter.
The next symptom: "Changes in behavior -- exaggerated efforts to bar family members from entering his or her room or being secretive about where he or she goes with friends; or drastic changes in behavior and in relationships with family and friends." On the surface, this seems unbelievable. What more loving family exists than the Trump clan? But then I thought about those troubling reports that Melania Trump no longer lives with her husband. People close to the president have reported that his mood has grown "sour and dark," and that lately he's even been angry with his beloved son-in-law, Jared Kushner.
So far, my friend Donald had checked off two out of three boxes clearly. There was only one other sign on Mayo's list: "Spending money -- sudden requests for money without a reasonable explanation; or your discovery that money is missing or has been stolen or that items have disappeared from your home, indicating maybe that they're beings sold to support drug use."
For months, I'd found it weird that President Trump had already started fundraising -- earlier than any other president in history, in fact. That seemed strange. And then the months ground on, the fundraising emails grew more insistent, and and on May 16th (the day before the Justice Department announced a special prosecutor would investigate his campaign), our friend Donald J. Trump sent this troubling message:
Subject: SABOTAGE. From Donald J. Trump.
You already knew the media was out to get us.
But sadly, it's not just the fake news ... There are people within our own unelected bureaucracy that want to sabotage President Trump and our entire America First movement.
Steve Bannon was right when he said, "If you think they're going to give you your country back without a fight, you're sadly mistaken. Every day is going to be a fight. That is the promise of Donald Trump."
They don't want it to be America First. They want it to be Special Interests first to enrich themselves all while the citizens of our country remain an afterthought.
We have no choice but to completely DRAIN THE SWAMP. President Trump has already started cleaning house, but every day will be an uphill battle -- and we need to be prepared to go into the trenches to FIGHT BACK.
CONTRIBUTE $1 TO DRAIN THE SWAMP.
He's exhibits clear signs of the drunk and angry. He repeatedly forgets to turn the caps lock off. He rants about grand conspiracies and then begs for money. Well this time, I'm saying no. No, Mr. President. It's time we as a nation sat you down and had an intervention. We won't help you drain that swamp -- a swamp filled with liquor, no doubt -- any longer. You need to get help.
Robert Evans has a book about how sex, drugs and bad behavior built modern civilization. You can buy A Brief History of Vice now!
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